where do I start. Well I was single for a while and wasn't interested in getting back on the proverbial "Horse" so to speak. Look, my life choices have always been dubious and recently due to an injury (dislocated knee) I was staying away from women full fucking stop.
In my experience women and what is said, is not equal to what is meant. Leaving me feeling like a nob for a) believing them and b) for me actually being a nob.
A friend said I should join dating sites. Now I have no problem with this except that I really couldn't be arsed. After she signed me up I basically left a profile that said "Fuck off, over there, when you get there, fuck off some more".
In my brief experience I had chatted to a few women on there and for my age bracket, it basically consisted of one very specific demographic.
"DOLE BUM MUM'S"
Yep, apparently because I had a job, was into NYC hardcore, heavily tattooed, have above average intelligence I was akin to playing daddy to 22 year olds with 5 kids. Stating "You would be an ideal father figure"
Can I refer you back to my higher level of intelligence. I'm no Einstein but getting involved with these women will result in probable face aids and empty bank account (which is empty due to the whole knee polava anyway).
Let me introduce you to a few. First off the "Murderer" ...
I shit you not. The words "Hello" sent shivers down my spine. She apparently is 27. With strawberry blond hair and an enigmatic smile. Also 4 children. That means she's had sex at least 4 times. It sometimes keeps me awake sometimes.
Next was "The Murderer Returns"
The comment "New Hair do, what do you think?" .. Yeah ... a pair of scissors is only going to improve things if YOU FUCKING STAB THEM IN MY EYE'S ... this one had..wait for it .. 6 children and is only.... 26 ... and this one also admits "3 different fathers" ... now I'm not guessing on ratio of fathers... but I'm guessing none had 20 20 vision ... or a job..but a smack or crack habit is a high possibility
The third and final...well I can't show you as frankly she has removed her profile. It was harrowing. Like the daughter of Fred West and Moira Hindly. Sending me messages of "Do youz thank Im sexy or wat". Yeah I will stick to the "Wat" thank you. The look on the picture was one of utter despair. It made the above photo's look like professional snaps by a top class photographer. She was going to devour your soul. What was so strange about it was THIS WAS THE FUCKING BEST PHOTO SHE (OR ANY OF THE ABOVE) USED TO TRY AND AUCTION THEMSELVES OFF ON THE INTERNET... LET ME POINT OUT .. A PRODUCTS WORTH IS BASED ON ITS INTRINSIC VALUE AND REDEEMING QUALITIES .. THESE HAVE FUCK ALL OF ANYTHING .. .
Granted there are alot of these "Too good be true" however the tale takes a twist. I gave up. I prefer to meet people in a real life environment. However I got an email from one of the sites stating, and I will use this loosely (basically replace "trusted user" with "Loser" and you will get the gist...)
"Dear Mr ****
As a trusted user you haven't been contacting many ladies **editorial : yeah with beauties like above do you fucking blame me**. So beacuse you are a trusted user we are granting you moderation rights. Log in to see your new trusted user panel.
Yours Sincerely
TroutFestUk.Com"
(Made up dating site btw, just in case I get any moaners saying it isn't a real site)
So I got to moderate. How many fake fuckin profiles. FUCK LOADS. All I can sumise is 3 things
1) Blokes on these sites want nothing but sex
2) They want so much sex they're happy to pose as women.
3) Women under 30 want a father to there litter
Yes I got lucky. I met someone who can only be described as fucking awesome. So you may ask how I'm so cynical and what was my driving mantra. If you want to know. BE FUCKING HONEST YOU BUNCH OF FUCKING BELL ENDS. I was nothing but honest. I'm too old and cynical for most shit. I struck up an innocent conversation and we met a few times. I am completely lucky. Stop pretending you are something you are not. We clicked. Because, not just I, but both of us were fucking honest off the start. We clicked. And that click was not forced, not shrouded in lies and misconceptions, it was genuine based on truth. Because of this the only woman I have ever met off a fucking dating site is probably the most important woman I have ever fucking met. So yes it was 100% success but only because IT WAS FUCKING NATURAL (Although I think tramps and Monkey ball torture paintings helped (long long story))
So you wan't to know the truth. Stop being a bell end. Don't trust in profiles as the women are just as bad. In general people tend to be twats. So there.
