Brian Cox is MY Will Weaton

Yes he's the loveable nerd everyone loves.  He brings science alive and manages to interest everyone in the bigger picture.  On a whole I quite like him.  He's non offensive and enthusiastic.  However with all TV Pseudo nerds he is going to get right on my fucking tits at least once.

Last night he was talking about the construction of the universe,  whilst explaining he said this

"We know the entire Universe is constructed from 92 Elements,  notice how I say "We know" and not "We think".

He then went on and several minutes later stated the following

"There is heavy proof that this theory is correct"




Brian, Brian, Brian, you silly boy.  For a start if you would have used the terminology "Chemical Elements" then maybe I would give you a break.  However using the method of light and chemical analysis is fine,  WHEN YOU FUCKING BASE THIS ON ELEMENTS FOUND ON EARTH.

Lets just take this for an example,  you paint a beach ball with 92 different colours and blow the fucking thing up with a nuclear missile, what is the likely hood that the atoms are dispersed evenly so the blast radius contains one particle of each colour within the designated area.  Not much.  Considering you believe in the big bang theory it's difficult to imagine that you truly believe in a unilateral spreading of all elements across the expanse of the Universe during the main event.  To think this and profess the quote above is idiotic and nieve.  Frankly this "Theory", is just that a Theory, and should not be spouted as fucking fact.  End of.

Also can I point out that Chemical Elements are just that,  what about Dark Matter.  This theory is widespread and believed within the scientific community.  If, and I say If (i'm not a prick and won't spout theory and pose it as fact), this is ever proven then a new elements table could be construed.  This is why the terminology has changed from elements to "Chemical Elements" .

Brian do us a favour,  stop trying to get the UK taxpayer to blast you off to the moon,  and spend sometime in actually thinking about what you are saying.  For fucks sake I wouldn't give a tramp a fiver to suck you off,  let alone your own personal moon excursion .

It's easy to call the French a bunch of cheese eating surrender monkeys ... AND I W

ON'T

Whats worst is that I spent half an hour on the fucking phone to a so called technician who barely could understand English over a specific monitor for a specific system.

He then blurted out,  "It's a Ministry of Defence Project" ... WHAT THE FUCK....I mean are we that strapped we're not only outsourcing to the French that were outsourcing to French people who have limited fucking IT skills and even more limited FUCKING ENGLISH SKILLS.

Wasn't it only the fucking other week they were harking on about the failure/sucess of the latest aero fighter (obviously dependant on what news channel you were watching).  England sucks.  If I didn't have my little lad to consider I'd be fucking off on a home made raft to shores unknown,  probably Ireland, or maybe Norway.  It's obvious any attack on our country will be followed by the conventional white flag,  isn't that how the French's Guide to being Attacked step one goes .   Obviously we are following in suit.  Wouldn't mind,  they were even phoning from a french fucking number.

Fucking ConDem's wankers the lot of them.

GDC CryEngine 3

Great showcase.....Maybe the reports of Microsoft looking for new hardware developers was not unwarranted..this shizzle looks like leaving the consoles for fucking dead...

TIMMMMYYYYY!!!

Customers again.  Can't live without them as a business.  However alot of the time you are simply begging for them to drop of the face of the fucking earth.  Not just to please you,  but probably would be better for the human fucking race.

Today I encountered something I have never encountered.  And before you get all fucking upity about this kind of customer I want you to read through and tell me if I'm not wrong before judging.

Wheelchair users and/or the house bound.

Mainly this week I have been providing support for OS's (Outside Sources from our web portals),  these are customers that require assistance via email or phone.  Most of its inane crap "Is this memory compatible" "is this ac adapter for a dell vostro 1400 suitable for a dell vostro 1400" and so on.

I assisted a guy on the purchase of a low profile graphics card.  It can be a tricky subject as the power requirements can be specific and we do have alot of returns due to this.  I spent about 40 emails bringing up the specs, looking at his machine,  what he was using the card for (a HTPC setup with his 50' TV) looking at what the best card suitable for his needs were, answering his questions and just playing the good tech guy.  He was grateful and bought the card.  Alls good.

He received the card, fitted it.  Then sent in this fucking diatribe about how he'd found it £6 cheaper at another online source and he felt cheated and wanted to return it or a partial refund/pricematch.  I told him we couldn't compete with that price and that if he wished to return it unused he would get a full refund.  Then it got worst

"I have accidentally installed it and It will put me at great pain to return the card as I am in a wheel chair and house bound and this extra expense cannot be justified as i'm living on the poverty line"

WHAT THE FUCK.  BOO FUCKING HOO.  RIGHT FOR A START IF YOU ARE HOUSE BOUND YOU ARE PLAYING A GUILT TRIP ON IT.  YOU TOOK A GOOD 2 HOURS OF MY TIME.  THATS LESS THEN MINIMUM WAGE FOR THE ASSISTANCE.  YOU WILL NOT BE ELIGIBLE FOR A FULL REFUND AS THE CARD HAS BEEN USED AND NON FAULTY.  YOU HAD CHANCE TO SEARCH FOR A BETTER DEAL ONLINE BEFORE PURCHASING IT,  AND NOW YOU PLAY THIS FUCKING SHIT PISS POOR PITY TRIP TO TRY AND GET A BETTER PRICE,  I BET YOU GOT THAT 50' TV FOR FUCK ALL AS WELL DID YOU.  IF YOU ARE HOUSEBOUND YOU PROBABLY ARE ON MORE BENEFITS AND EARN MORE MONEY THEN ME.  SIMPLY GO FUCK YOURSELF.

IF YOU AREN'T IN A WHEELCHAIR THEN YOU ARE SCUM FOR TRYING THIS.  EITHER WAY WHEELCHAIR OR NOT YOU ARE FUCKING SCUM.  I THOUGHT HANDICAPABLE PEOPLE WANT A FAIR CRACK,  YOU SIR SICKEN ME SHOWING THAT PEOPLE WILL PREY ON ANYTHING THEY CAN TO TRY AND GET WHATEVER THEY CAN FOR FREE.

You may be thinking "Chill out",  according to the people who usually do the OS's this shit happens 6-7 times a week minimum.  Either people think it's good haggling practice or it's probably been reported a great way to deal with mail order and webcompanies on "I'mafuckingtightarsewanker.com".

Truly Sickening.  We told him he can return it but he will not be eligible for the shipping costs to be refunded.  That in itself including return costs will be more then the 6 quid.  I await his response in the morning.  I'm trusting it won't be good,  but hey at least he can't go complain at citizens advice as getting through on the phones a nightmare,  you usually can only get advice by going to the office, but he can't do that, he's housebound.

I am not saying they are all like that.  I don't believe in tarring people with the same brush,  it just shows that no matter what affliction,  there are fucking scum buckets in every walk of life.

Charlie and the Apple Factory

Just Watch it ... LMAO

Probably the greatest apple parody ever....thanks Geeks are Sexy ...

daniweb

So a friend of mine just sent me a link from the fucking retard station that is daniweb.

Now I'm all for friendly helpful sites.  Can I just point out that daniweb and everything surrounding daniweb is for stupid fucking people.

Point and case,  I went on there and the first post I see is this

"Is the connection of Sony home system HT-DDW7500 compatible with LG 42PJ350R Plasma TV"


errrrr .... google it....within 3 seconds I found out both components are HDMI based.  So yes.  For the time it's took you to log in and write this frankly retarded dumbass question you could of googled it and found out yourself.  Oh and can I just point out that having quite a good audio setup but with a tv that only just scrapes 720p is fucking retarded.  YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE THE FUCKING INTERNET IT'S NOT FUCKING HARD TO DO THE FUCKING RESEARCH.  DANIWEB IS ACTUALLY BELOW PCWORLD TECHGUYS.  THE PEOPLE ON THERE ACTUALLY DESERVE LABOTIMISING.

People, stay away from it, any other reviews or fucking links will get you blocked from my social network lists.  It's not big, it's not clever, I have more joy reading the fucking graffiti in the local supermarket toilet ,  apparently "keiths mrs is well dirty", now thats entertainment.

On another note I am actually tempted to join it,  take a week off work,  I recon I could answer 60% of the questions on their in a week.  At least I know there's at least 800,000 IT retards on the planet that speak English.  No wonder I'm busy at work.

3DS ... The Travesty of Nintendo's Advertising

Here we go again,  the company that brought you the imagery of the perfect family in the Redknapps.  When we all know most of there evenings really involve Harry drinking too much scotch and learing over Louise all night only to be left slyly fapping one off in the toilet using his own tears as lubrication.

Don't be fooled,  thats not a look of joy, thats fear of the anal beating he's going to endure.

Let's not forget the ultimate digital version of JLS's "Cum on the biscuit" game as well,  which we all know ends in pretty much gang rape of the little one,  its no wonder he walks round like he has a loaf in his pants,  thats what happens when you get 3 guys going in dry.

'See, it's awesome.'

What do we have this time.  A group of people crowing on about how "Awesome" and "Amazing" it is.  Don't get me wrong it's a nifty bit of kit.  3D will work well glasses free on these kind of small, 1 viewing point devices.  Pretty sure this and the new LG Optimus will be probably the biggest selling 3D tech this year.

Let's face it though the group of people they use to hark on and convey the "Awesomeness" of this device would  probably use the same descriptors if you shown them a monkey shit in a bag with a 60% peanut-to-crap ratio.  Fair enough if they had Stephen Hawkings or any other admired scientist,  even Patrick Moore would do for fucks sake, then I may take the advert in the sense it was made.  I have the sneaking suspicion though Professor Hawkings would not use the word awesome.  He actually knows what the word awesome means.  The size of the galaxy and universe is awesome,  mans existence and evolution from primordial soup is awesome.    It annoys me so much having a bunch of people who you frankly do not know,  people who may be about as tech savvy that they think a simple TV remote control is "Beyond" there understanding.  We don't know if these people live in caves,  they may have been picked out from some nomadic tribe and given a makeover.  (If they had though I'm pretty sure you will see it on BBC3 sometime,  "Hotter then my Nomad" or some other makeover shite).

I WANT PROOF THAT THESE PEOPLE UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY ARE SEEING,  I WANT CERTIFICATES, ACTUALLY I WOULD BE FUCKING HAPPY JUST TO SEE ONE OF THEM BE ABLE TO WRITE THEIR OWN FUCKING NAME.

There's nothing worst then the average moron being amazed by a device.  Fucking hell, these people look like they would be amazed if I shown them "The Seperated thumb" trick.  Which my 3 year old disapproves of now as he finds it totally "Non-Amazing".

Teaching him well

Is it wrong to be teaching my 3 year old the joys of mmorpg's ???

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Are American's really that stupid

It's the question we all ask.  Time and time again.  The answer is frankly,  NO.  To disparage an entire continent based on the premise of a few, is a stupid thing to do, at the very best.

There is however a big fuck off BUT coming.

They, their government, their military, their scientists and the general nerd population of the US do not help their cause.  Take for example the US Air forces.  Unfortunately I have the extreme joy of dealing with requests for hardware from their military "Top Minds" on a weekly basis,

We need graphics cards from 5 year's ago for simulators,  we need 5 year old cpu's for our guidance systems.  It continues.  Many people think the military are advanced but unfortunately the heavy amount of red tape is the equivalent of the brown tape found in your average scene for constructing a toilet in a scene from slum dog millionaire.

The point is they don't help themselves, for example these following comments found today on a popular website,  actually fuck the animosity it was toms hardware,

You think this is the first instance of american nerd fail think again.  I was recently told "You are from Britain what the fuck do you know about computers".

Where do I start.  I am from Manchester.  The home of computing.  I live in a city where the first ever computer is on show at our local museum.  I studied VLSI (yeah look that up usfeckwipes) at Manchester University.  Which a degree from there is worth 500,000 times more then your US accredited degree's.  Finally though,  YOUR PHONING ME,  YES ME AT FUCKING WORK TO ASK MY ADVICE.  THE ONLY THING I WOULD PHONE YOUR HOUSE FOR IS TO TALK DIRTY TO YOUR FUCKING MRS.  AND THATS ONLY BEACAUSE I HAVE A THING ABOUT WOMEN WITH NO TEETH.

Not all Americans are like this,  but the so called nerds, well I'd rather deal with the stereotypical rednecks,  at least there sisters will put out.  It's no fucking wonder the jocks beat them up on a regular basis in every middle american based soap/film I see.  They frankly fucking deserve it.

The Fastra II

CUDA is probably the most relevant new technology, which unlike 3D,  will actually make a massive fooking difference to the way we perceive high end systems and computers on a whole.

Using the parallel processing units within a GPU we can accelerate tasks,  such as hacking, video encoding, you know the stuff that actually takes serious raw data processing, to 50 times that based on the CPU alone, imagine being able to re-encode all your porn in a fraction of the time.

Welcome to Fastra II.  These crazy Belgian nerds have created a beast of absolute amazement.

And yes for all you fuckin trolls it does play Crysis,  in fact you probably could multi-box on the thing.

For more information check out

http://fastra2.ua.ac.be/

http://www.nvidia.com/object/what_is_cuda_new.html

AMD Llano Unveiled

http://www.tomshardware.com/reviews/amd-llano-demo-cebit-2011-sandy-bridge,2883.html#xtor=RSS-182

Now I have never been a fan of AMD mobile platforms.  They just generate too much heat for my liking,  although the GPU part do tend to perform well.  But got to admit this looks phenomenal.  Like a drunken cagefighter Intel have took a fooking headbutt to the nuts over the sandybridge debacle ,  and now AMD are making them pay with a chinese burn of epic proportions.  If this performance is correct then I have to congratulate AMD on finally breaking my previous convictions on there mobile platforms.

Kudos AMD.

And so the Apple Spin Wheel comes forward

So Apple have just revealed there "Post PC" Ideology on the world and it's a marketing doozy,  let me give you an exert

"In this new world, Apple no longer has to compete on specs and features, nor does it want to. There is no Mac vs. PC here -- only "the future" versus "the past." It won't be a debate about displays, memory, wireless options -- it will be a debate about the quality of the experience. Apple is not just eschewing the spec conversation in favor of a different conversation -- it's rendering those former conversations useless. It would be like trying to compare a race car to a deeply satisfying book. In a post-PC world, the experience of the product is central and significant above all else. It's not the RAM or CPU speed, screen resolution or number of ports which dictate whether a product is valuable; it becomes purely about the experience of using the device."


Can I bluntly point out that a major crux of Apple's actual Personal Computer market is now facing a daunting time.  Since the argument with Adobe they had a bit of an upset.  Adobe previously used coding in there systems which allowed Apple Mac Pro's render video in products such as Element's and Element's Pro and also Photoshop quicker then the rival operating systems.  It's a long winded problem but is basically down to how the operating system handles the threads and multiple threads for the rendering sequence.  Albeit regardless of this the top end PC's were still faster but were not cheaper.  However Adobe pulled something out of there glorious rectums to basically shit on Apple PC's.

CUDA,  thats right,  massive parallel processing using the graphics GPU available from within their products.  Wether Adobe did this as a "Stick this in your pipe and smoke it Mr Jobs" the fact is that now you can build a PC with a few dedicated Nvidia cards which will render 20-30 times quicker then the top of the line Mac Pro for less then 1/10th of the price.  Making savings of thousands.  So what do they do,  reinvent the game,  I have to admire the ultimate bullshit this company will churn in the face of defeat.  They are saying Post PC as frankly they have killed there own product which sold primarily for one reason,  and that was high end video editing.

Bravo Apple,  I applaud your marketing genius,  no doubt the apple fan boys will be lapping it up.  But as per usual the actual computer users will not,  your closed systems have seen to that.

Sage Pay ... Crock of shit

Yet again Sage Pay is down.  Considering it's my place of works primary payment gateway it's a fucking joke.  The system monitor makes me so fucking irate.  It's full of these "It's fine, but were not letting you use it" fucking bullshit update status's.

I have never, ever seen a complete lack of skills from one company.  We actually recorded the Director of the company admitting that the upgrade shennanigans that went on were "His fault and he takes full responsibility".  If I had shown an incompetence as great as this in my job  I WOULD GET THE FUCKING SACK.

IE9 Launching sometime soon ...

Who frankly gives a fuck.  I'll give it 2.3 seconds before at least 26 vulnerabilities are found.  If you are using it because it came with Windows.  That's not a valid excuse.  Just by thinking about it your card details are already being circulated direct to Colonel Gadaffi ... Libya just hates you that much.

ooo Celebrities again

So celebrities are off to Africa to live in an absolute horrific environment.  I have an idea.  Instead of just them living there for a few days, how about we do the deportation factor.

Thats right,  if they get voted to stay in, they have to stay their inevitably.  For the rest of their existence.  When an iPhone is classed as "10 years rent" in a country then I am sorry the country needs help.  But sending them celebs is just not the way.

I'd rather see the Jeremy Kyle dole bums sent there.  Let them see the suffering.  Maybe they will realise that the station of "Toilet unblocker" in the local McDonalds is there calling in life.  The ungrateful little shits.

You can't help where you are born,  and we should be helping.  But is really sending them Lenny fucking Henry really gonna help them.  Really?

The truth about so called "Gadget" sites

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Greatest product in the history of retarded products

http://www.blinknow.co.uk/index.php?act=viewDoc&docId=11

Yes that's right,  a product that reminds you to blink.  I forget all the time.  One eye turned black one time and fell out. I remember something in the past that works similar,  it's called fucking common sense.  Jesus, joseph, buddha, and the holy fucking ghost who really creates these.  It's like that dildo one time featured in the mail supplement as a "Face Massager".  Yeah that women bought 2, thats why the old coot had a smile on her face.

Computer Vision Syndrome ... is that where you see everything in 8 bit vision ... reminds me of that blind guy on the news last night ... check this out ....

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7919645.stm

see for some people it's a problem and some an aspiration ... suppose it's like anal sex in a way

Blog Stats

Can I just point out that 1% of my blog views have been viewed on an iphone.  Can I just point out "You're on the wrong blog mate" ... the "I suck Steve Jobs balls even when he's dead" blog is that way, thats right, over their, next to his charred corpse ...

Work Saga Part I

I work as a very helpful PC hardware specialist at a well know UK website.  Don't get me wrong I love my job.  One thing I hate is a large percentage of our customers.

You ring me and say "Look I'm not that clued up and I need some advice", fine,  I'll be helpful and courteous and explain things in a way you will understand.  You ring me up and say "I've got 20 years of building PC's under my belt but I'm stuck on how to put a stick of memory in" then your on the bad side of me from the start.

I mean PC hardware, every fucker is an expert.  If you had a heart problem you wouldn't say "Hey theres a surgeon in my pub that will sort it out with a broken bottle for you".  Everyone is an expert,  even those clowns at fucking PCWorld apparently are. (More on that in another post).

Let me start with an arse muppet called Elliot.  This guy rings saying he knows exactly what he's doing but was a bit outdated with his knowledge.  I pointed him in the direction of various products for varying prices showing him the in's and out's of what is beneficial and what is not.  3 Weeks this went on, video links,  product links,  explanations,  the guy on average was taking up about 20% of my work response time.

Finally he ordered,  didn't spend half as much as he was getting parts quoted for originally (fucking students for you), but then came the bizzare phone conversations.  Everyday he was on the phone.  Asking about compatibility of the parts he was sent,  wether it would work, alot of inane reassurance bullshit.  Then one of 2 phonecalls set me off nearly 2 weeks after he had the parts...

1ST Call
 Elliot:  "Hi ***** (My real name), it's elliot,  a quick one how do I get the ports to line up on the back of the PC"

NN: "Have you used the backplate that came in the motherboard box"

Elliot: "Yeah,  it just doesn't seem to line up though"

NN: "Sometimes it can take some jiggling but it should be fine just make sure the standoffs are lined up correctly"

Elliot: "I Just don't understand how you get them from the front of the case to the back"

NN: "I don't understand,  front of the case?"

Elliot: "Well you know how the ports are near the hard drive case"

**HOLD**  FUCKING STUPID FUCKERS INSTALLED THE MOTHERBOARD THE WRONG FUCKING WAY ROUND THE FUCKING STUPID PRICK.

My Boss :  You serious,  surprised the fuckers not electrocuted himself by now.

**OFF HOLD**

NN:  "Elliot, take the motherboard out and rotate it 180 degree's,  this should make sense,  if not I have a 3-5 year old age range jigsaw that maybe more suitable"

Elliot "What?"

NN:  "Sorry Elliot but a mistake of this magnitude invalidates all your warranties,  you are not capable of building a machine and you have obviously never built one before.  We don't mind offering support but this is ridiculous.  I advise you re-watch some of the basic video's I sent you,  I don't want to sound nasty but it's just a good job we don't run an 0898 number or you'd have a phone bill of 2 grand"

**HANGS UP**


3 Hours later

Elliot "Hi it's Elliot, final question"

NN:  "Go on"

Elliot:  "The machines fired up,  I put the motherboard disk in and nothings happening"

NN:  "What windows isn't recognising the disk"

Elliot: "Windows?"

NN:  "You haven't installed windows yet have you"

So I hung up.  He gave up ringing when I saw his number on the switchboard and put him last in the queue.

The moral of this story is,  if you don't know,  ask.  Simple.  Don't pretend to be some geek,  because even us nerds know how to make you wait.  Patience is a virtue,  but assistance is more valuable.  Being spechiul comes to some people naturally.  Elliot is a prime example of this.

Ipad 2 woop do fooking do

So apple have pulled poor Steve Jobs from his death bed to release the new ipad.  I mean come on,  the company have very little sense of public and personal sensibility.  I mean look at the foxconn plants,  the way they dupe there consumers.  You may peg me as an Apple hater,  I am not,  I am a fucking Apple loather.

I'm actually looking forward to next year when the ipad 3 is released.  It will be a "from beyond the grave" fucking spectaculour.  Steve Job's hoisted up on a mechanical pulley system, operated by the latest ipad,  like some third rate animatronic from alton towers.  I can even second guess the specifications,  3D camera,  quad core cpu, and an app to summon Steve from beyond the grave like some scene from Ouija Board 3 "This time it's digital",  all on the multi touch obviously.

And then comes the Apple spin wheel.  Google android virus's released in the press the same day.  Ooooo shock horror.  I mean any system that is successful is prone to attack.  Your telling me that itunes has never been attacked.  All systems have been compromised.  Yes the lesser used ones are pretty much left alone.  But do not hail this as a "Security Success".  All this means is the hackers and criminals see no profit in it.  I mean would you arm rob the pound store when the post office is next door?

Anyway I'll have more on this subject the next few days when the Apple bulldozer comes into full effect.  When the geeks who profess "It just works",  so does my dads Nokia 6310 for fucks sake, all come out and claim they know about tech just to justify the hole in there pocket.  Ahh well all your funds are going to preserve mr Jobs in a virtual environment until the iBorg comes out in 2023.