Secret to Internet dating ... ask me .. 100% record (statistics may not be be accurate of actual events)

Secret to Internet dating ... ask me .. 100% record (statistics may not be be accurate of actual events)

where do I start.  Well I was single for a while and wasn't interested in getting back on the proverbial "Horse" so to speak.  Look, my life choices have always been dubious and recently due to an injury (dislocated knee) I was staying away from women full fucking stop.

In my experience women and what is said, is not equal to what is meant.  Leaving me feeling like a nob for a) believing them and b) for me actually being a nob.

A friend said I should join dating sites.  Now I have no problem with this except that I really couldn't be arsed.  After she signed me up I basically left a profile that said "Fuck off, over there, when you get there, fuck off some more".

In my brief experience I had chatted to a few women on there and for my age bracket,  it basically consisted of one very specific demographic.

"DOLE BUM MUM'S"

Yep,  apparently because I had a job,  was into NYC hardcore,  heavily tattooed, have above average intelligence I was akin to playing daddy to 22 year olds with 5 kids.  Stating "You would be an ideal father figure"

Can I refer you back to my higher level of intelligence.  I'm no Einstein but getting involved with these women will result in probable face aids and empty bank account (which is empty due to the whole knee polava anyway).

Let me introduce you to a few.  First off the "Murderer" ...

I shit you not.  The words "Hello" sent shivers down my spine.  She apparently is 27.  With strawberry blond hair and an enigmatic smile.  Also 4 children.  That means she's had sex at least 4 times.  It sometimes keeps me awake sometimes.

Next was "The Murderer Returns"

The comment "New Hair do, what do you think?" .. Yeah ... a pair of scissors is only going to improve things if YOU FUCKING STAB THEM IN MY EYE'S ... this one had..wait for it .. 6 children and is only.... 26 ... and this one also admits "3 different fathers" ... now I'm not guessing on ratio of fathers... but I'm guessing none had 20 20 vision ... or a job..but a smack or crack habit is a high possibility

The third and final...well I can't show you as frankly she has removed her profile.  It was harrowing.  Like the daughter of Fred West and Moira Hindly.  Sending me messages of "Do youz thank Im sexy or wat".  Yeah I will stick to the "Wat" thank you.  The look on the picture was one of utter despair.  It made the above photo's look like professional snaps by a top class photographer.  She was going to devour your soul.  What was so strange about it was THIS WAS THE FUCKING BEST PHOTO SHE (OR ANY OF THE ABOVE) USED TO TRY AND AUCTION THEMSELVES OFF ON THE INTERNET... LET ME POINT OUT .. A PRODUCTS WORTH IS BASED ON ITS INTRINSIC VALUE AND REDEEMING QUALITIES .. THESE HAVE FUCK ALL OF ANYTHING .. .

Granted there are alot of these "Too good be true" however the tale takes a twist.  I gave up.  I prefer to meet people in a real life environment.  However I got an email from one of the sites stating,  and I will use this loosely (basically replace "trusted user" with "Loser" and you will get the gist...)

"Dear Mr ****

As a trusted user you haven't been contacting many ladies **editorial : yeah with beauties like above do you fucking blame me**.  So beacuse you are a trusted user we are granting you moderation rights.  Log in to see your new trusted user panel.

Yours Sincerely

TroutFestUk.Com"

(Made up dating site btw, just in case I get any moaners saying it isn't a real site)

So I got to moderate.  How many fake fuckin profiles.  FUCK LOADS.  All I can sumise is 3 things

1) Blokes on these sites want nothing but sex

2) They want so much sex they're happy to pose as women.

3) Women under 30 want a father to there litter


Yes I got lucky.  I met someone who can only be described as fucking awesome.  So you may ask how I'm so cynical and what was my driving mantra.  If you want to know.  BE FUCKING HONEST YOU BUNCH OF FUCKING BELL ENDS.  I was nothing but honest.  I'm too old and cynical for most shit.  I struck up an innocent conversation and we met a few times.  I am completely lucky.  Stop pretending you are something you are not.  We clicked.  Because, not just I,  but both of us were fucking honest off the start.  We clicked.  And that click was not forced,  not shrouded in lies and misconceptions, it was genuine based on truth.  Because of this the only woman I have ever met off a fucking dating site is probably the most important woman I have ever fucking met.  So yes it was 100% success but only because IT WAS FUCKING NATURAL (Although I think tramps and Monkey ball torture paintings helped (long long story))

So you wan't to know the truth.  Stop being a bell end.  Don't trust in profiles as the women are just as bad.  In general people tend to be twats.  So there.

Bit-Tards the worlds universal currency for fucktards ....

Where do I start ...

Bit-Coin's,  the universal decentralized currency based on chewing up the earths resources so you can buy illegal shit from people you shouldn't trust.

It's a boom,  like the net in the late 90's.  Everyone can be a winner,  everyone can be a millionaire,  within hours of mining.  Or so certain sites will have you believe.

The truth.  No you can't.

Any capped currency based on a simple basis of computing prowess is always destined to fail.  They claim that whilst decentralizing the currency it means that the value of the currency remains with the people who put the work in.  The problem with this is that NO,  you didn't put in any fucking work,  you just had a smidge of technical know how and more money to invest in a PC that has more chance of breaking a hash to earn you the bitcoin.  You are a slaver.  In the old days the most wealthy held more slaves and through this held more weight with the financial institutes around them, due to the physical work these slaves could perform and the products THEY FUCKING PRODUCED,  the problem is,  THERE'S NO FUCKING REAL WORK OR PRODUCTS YOUR VIRTUAL SLAVE IS FUCKING DOING, AND NO FUCKING END PRODUCT FULL FUCKING STOP.  So prey tell exactly how this is different,  THERE IS NO PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTE TO THE WORK YOUR MINING IS ACTUALLY ACCRUING ...

I'm getting at least 5-10 calls every 3 days about bitcoin mining.  A limited cap currency perpetuated in growth by the media.  It doesn't hold any value.  About as much value as a dog turd in a sock.  If I got enough people willing to trade dog turds in socks for real world goods, I'D BE A FUCKING MILLIONAIRE!!.

This is the problem.  The more people do it the harder it gets.  The main problem is this.  IF you were being rewarded for a task that actually accomplished something,  lets use folding at home (or FH) as an example, which is mapping the human genome so things like Parkinson's  cancer, and whole host OF REAL WORLD FUCKING PROBLEMS were being investigated whilst mining,  I'd say FINE IT HOLDS SOME FUCKING VALUE.

IF you were being rewarded for bitcoin mining in the same sense that all the energy you are using and the constant stress was working towards a goal that benefited all mankind like folding at home THEN IT WOULD BE WORTH SOMETHING.  When silk road goes down the shitter...and it will...this currency won't be worth the paper it's printed on...OH WAIT IT'S NOT PRINTED ON PAPER... THAT'S THE FUCKING POINT...

Currency in all it's means, decentralized or not,  is based on the work used TO GAIN THAT FUCKING CURRENCY... there has to be A REAL FUCKING WORLD PRODUCT OR SERVICE to earn that fucking currency ... whether that's a blowjob behind Morrison's or working a 12 hour shift picking peanuts out of dog shit...this is based on fuck all ... hence why the value shifts with media perception ... "WHY" you may ask "BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE FUCKING STUPID AND THINK IT'S FUCKING WORTH SOMETHING" that's fucking why.

So stop it people.  If the people behind bitcoin had tied the hashes in with folding at home then yes it would be worth something.  All it's doing is working towards an inevitable end of being worth exactly FUCK ALL because that's the technical amount of work THAT'S GONE INTO EARNING IT IN THE FUCKING FIRST PLACE.

So you heard it here first.  Bit-Tard.  Anyone who thinks bitcoin is worth something because they read it in the media.

Now go use your PC for something worthwhile like folding at home.

http://folding.stanford.edu/

IT Expert ... yeah what the fuck ever ....

So a friend asked a simple question about selling his MacBook pro in light of purchasing a Windows 7 based machine.  Now you all know my view on Apple products.  However the simple point is (as if you've read my previous posts) that the hardware is very good on apple machines on a whole.  So how do you proceed.  Well obviously theres no point in trading in for about £500 and having to splash out £800 on a similar based machine.  So why not just purchase an OEM copy of Windows 7, about £80, and dual boot his system giving not only the cheapest option but also the most logical one.

Cue the fecking retards.  As always with technology most people have an opinion.  Let me point out.  YOU CERTAINLY FUCKING DO NOT.

Just because you have been duped into purchasing "Product A" does not mean that "Product A" is the highlight of fecking technology.  Can I point out that "Product A" is probably something they've had sat on the shelf for the past 2 years trying to offload on some idiotic customer.  That idiot was you.

Let me explain that I advise hundreds of customers a week.  Our stores try and keep as less in stock as possible due to the fact that tech moves so fast that even keeping it on your shelf for 2 weeks is the difference between making £5 on "Product A" or losing £20 on "Product A" ... your "Product A" is most likely what I would call "Product R" ... "R" standing for "Retard" .... you purchased it ... for whatever reason ... it does not make it "THE FUCKING BE ALL AND END ALL OF FUCKING CURRENT AND FUCKING FUTURE TECH IN THE WORLD" ...

At the end of the day tech moves fast .... and keeping up is half the fucking battle ... just because you purchased something 6 months ago does not mean its "Cutting Edge" ,,, it means it was "FUCKING CUTTING EDGE 18 MONTHS AGO" ...

Think of it like a kebab shop ... you know that time you ended up with the shits ... cos they were trying to get that week old meat out of the door ... well what was coming out yer arse that Sunday morning... is whats coming out of your mouth at this moment in time ... IT .... the only job where everyone's a fucking expert ... I need a labotimy ... but NO ONES A FUCKING EXPERT ON THAT ON FACEBOOK ARE THEY...

STFU ... and keep yer mouth shut ... just because you bought it ... doesn't make you a fucking demi god on tech ... it usually means you are easily lead by sales people and advertising .... no wonder it makes me enraged ... apparently everyone can do my fucking job ....

For the people who are actually concerned I would advise the following websites and related forums

www.tomshardware.com
www.oc3d.com
www.whathifi.com

for the rest who don't spend in excess of 20 hours reading current forums and reviews,  and changed a stick of RAM once 6 years ago ... Shut the fuck up ... your just proving the human race is actually defeating the evolutionary process ... name me one species that protects the fucking mongs of its class ... thats right ... none ... so go back to watching Jezza ... and ask a proper expert ... "Well my mate Steve, who knows PC'S" IS NOT A FUCKING VALID RESPONSE ...

Peace Bitches ....

SWTOR ... Oh god I feckin hate you ....

Now everyone knows I'm a big Star Wars fan.  Most people know my loathing for Lucas and his bullshit excuse for the prequels.  Most people know I like MMO's.  Some people know the reason why I am banned from a few certain Cinema's.  What most people don't know is the sole main reason of me not writing blogs recently,  IS DUE TO THIS FUCKING GAME.

Its a love hate relationship.  It's similar to what I had with WoW.  (Although because everyone is still learning and can't find an online encylcopedia of everything within the game, some of the post vanilla WoW players just hate on it,  but I'm sure once they see a real life vag that isn't related directly to them, mums or sisters and even cousins, opinions will change, but the regular players are really helpful and make it a joy to be involved with)

So lets look at some of the arguments,  

No Group Finder , aww diddums,  does this make finding a group of like minded players harder,  yes,  does it make it worthwhile when you find them,  too feckin right.  It means that end game and progression takes some effort.  I mean if Sex was like this it would be called prostitution,  although it would be free,  so not technically prostitution, but you get my meaning.

The games buggy,  yes it is,  BUT most peoples complaints revolve around the simple fact that they have come from WoW on a PC thats constructed of a combination of peanuts and week old mango chutney and wondered why they can't play it.  The frank reason is.  That "Tiny" branded PC with 12 year old components is not going to cut it.  It requires some grunt.  (Although they do need to sort out the shadow issues)

No end game content,  I disagree,  the end game is just as compelling and with greater special ops and hard modes it keeps you coming back,  even re-rolling characters adds so much with the individual story line.

Look the games not perfect,  but Vanilla WoW players will remember the grind between lvl 39 and 40 ... fecks sake ... I'd rather castrate myself then do that again.  Now its achievable in a few hours.

Point is that SWTOR is not perfect.  But BioWare are doing a good job with content and listening to the players.  The guild summit showed that.  Patch 1.2 is a massive step in the right direction.  By my estimation they are roughly 4 years ahead of WoW when it was within the first six months of release.

Its amazing the shit talking from people,  you only have to read the facebook page comments.  It's like a flame war between retards and retards.  My MMO's better then yours.  This is why I shifted from alliance to Horde,  too many kids with little understanding of game mechanics.  The main fact is,  I'm enjoying it, and nothing in the past 2 and a half years has made me want to go back to WoW.  The main reason,  is that people on that game tend to number in the millions for hard core wankstains.  The point of the game in WoW has been lost,  and thats the fun.  How long SWTOR has got before the players get like that god knows.  For the meantime its all good.  So get on it.

Thai Floods ... Hard Drive Prices are fooking nuts....

Thai Floods have been absolutely rocking the tech news however me having to deal with the absolute outrage at work by upity customers is beyond a joke.  

The prices have been fluctuating on an hourly basis.  Our suppliers have been telling everyone "limited stocks",  "5 per customer".  Then we have the onslaught of suppliers promising stock at a certain price then raising it by a shocking amount.

Customer A,  lets call him tit-weasel for sake of ease.  Tit-weasel purchased 100,  yes 100 drives through our website,  now we don't tend to carry that quantity in stock and usually are listed directly from the suppliers.  The order was passed on to the suppliers and they contacted us straight away saying they could only provide 2 drives at the price stated on our site and would only be able to supply a further 3 at more then triple the original price.  Cue the call to tit-weasel.  Jesus fucking christ.  The guy swore at me at least 10 times saying it was a "fucking disgrace",  apparently he is going to take court action as a purchase online constitutes a legal contract.  Actually it doesn't.  Only when we accept his order it is a legal contract nothing more.  The thing is the guy simply didn't believe me.  I ended up sending him links,  but as I was looking for news links I came across this little beauty,  this is possibly the worst ill informed article I have ever read.

MOST IDIOTIC HARD DRIVE ARTICLE !!

Let me put it this way,  a 2 TB drive 2 weeks ago was as little as roughly £70.  Current pricing as of friday is around the £180 to £270.  No further stock of drives until at least February,  and several quarters for this to be remedied.  So if you need drives,  suck it up,  try and live with what you have.  Because this is long haul.  Enjoy the update we had from a major UK distro on friday.

My thoughts go to the Thai people. 

Poor Apple ....

So I suppose I had to write something about the dreaded MacDefender issue.  It's been all over the news for the past 36 hours so you probably have heard all about it.

Now lets start with the first thing "WE TOLD YOU FUCKING SO".  No operating system regardless of how closed it is is impervious to attack,  thats fact.  So lets dispel some of these myths right here and see where Apple users concern should be placed.

First off,  its a piece of malware.  Woopy fucking do.  According to recent polls nearly 100,000 new peices for Windows based systems are found every day.  Now all the MacTards will say "ooo windows is so insecure".  The simple fact is the Windows community, including Microsoft, KNOW HOW TO FUCKING PLUG THESE LEAKS AND FIX THESE PROBLEMS QUICKLY.

Point and case PC Virus 2010,  this did exactly the same as the MacDefender and actually used a problem within Internet Explorer to exploit and install.  This required user intervention,  yes the pop up box "Do you wish to install this software" did require a users click.  Much less like MacDefender where you actually had to put your Admin password in.  The problem is within 73 minutes of the first cases coming through there were already security blogs posted explaining how to remove the registry keys associated with it to remove it.  Within 4 hours Spybot Search and destroy had updated files to remove it automatically.

We are now on 36 hours,  where is the response from Apple,  non.  They are openly denying and failing to offer any support to users.  Due to the closed system there are not many security experts within the Apple dev community.  This is due to arrogance.  They are probably scratching there fucking balls whilst lay arround in a pool of your money in Barbado's with big tittied ladies sucking down cocktails by the gallon.

My main problem is that I have seen countless times in the Apple store and in PCWorld the sales people telling people that Macs are invulnerable to attacks.  This is quite a major selling point,  Apple condone this,  they really need to wake up.  Start advising people to run Anti Virus,  there are a few 3rd party Anti Virus for macs about.  If they had advised this in the first place they may not be sat there with egg on there face.  Case and point a freind who works at the university of Manchester went into the Apple store,  this is what he said about his experience

"In case anyone is interested, earlier on today I called at the Apple Store in the Manchester Arndale Centre, posing as a concerned (and not particularly technical) Mac user.

I mentioned to a shop assistant that "I'd read about this Mac Defender virus on the BBC website, and was wondering if it was something I needed to be concerned about".

He mentioned to me that he'd not heard anything about any viruses or similar stuff for Macs, so it was probably nothing worth worrying about, and if Apple had found anything about it, they would have put some official information out and informed their staff about it.

I then asked him if I needed virus software for my Mac, and he said it is possible to download third party AV apps from the app store but there probably wasn't much point.

I wasn't doing it to be deliberately contrary; I didn't go in there looking for a fight (I happily use Windows, Mac and Linux) but from a professional point of view, I was intrigued to find out what Apple were telling their users in person."






Now the interesting thing about this and the question I want to ask most is that if I went in and said "look my mac is infected" obviously they would deny all knowledge,  my next question would be "So if you have no knowledge should I actually pay for the software to get it removed".  What would there answer be?

The problem these days is that most Malware is designed to extract either information or cold hard cash from the infected.  There are very few Virus's that are truly destructive like back in the 90's.  Mac users are a prime target as the machines are expensive,  by this the user has money.

Apple are all out denying a problem,  this isn't surprising as the countless machines sold on the virtue of "invulnerability" counts in the thousands.  This may actually lead to a class action lawsuit for miss selling of goods.  So from a legal standpoint they are just protecting there arse.

The problem is,  this leaves the user high and dry.  So if you have a Mac take a look at sophus,  like most windows users will tell you the best protection method is pre-emptive,  better to be safe then sorry.

For windows users I would advise 3 pieces of software that are all free and are highly recommended.

http://www.avast.com/en-gb/index Free antivirus with good sandbox protection

http://www.safer-networking.org/en/home/index.html Malware and spyware removal with small footprint realtime scanner.

http://www.piriform.com/ccleaner Registry and system cleaner.

I would also advise obviously keeping your machine up to date,  which goes without saying.  Using this software and running regular maintenance I have not suffered any serious infection within the past 14 years.  You can never maintain 100% system security,  but with simple steps you can make it difficult for the attackers.

Sorry MacTards,  theres not really much I can offer in advice, until Apple recognise the problem and advise there users and actually give a damn about you theres not much to say.  Next time thank Mr Jobs for this shit storm by buying another brand.  Speaking with your wallet oftenly makes the big corporations sit up and listen.

Submotion Orchestra

Last night we went to see the exceptionally talented Submotion Orchestra.  For you who haven't heard this is a 7 piece from our yorkshire brothers kingdom of Leeds.

Now I'm no musical journalist.  And you all know how much I like to fucking moan.  So I will get the moaning out of the way.  The venue,  the mint lounge, in the northern quarter.  What has the Northern Quarter become.  £4 a pint.  Fucking hell when did it turn into fucking Deansgate??  Then we move onto the clientel ... there is nothing I can say ...just watch this video...it sums up everything

Right moaning over.  How good are Submotion Orchestra (or for some reason I caught this being shortened to Submo which sounds like the bastard child of Susan Boyle) ... Exceptionally.  Here's a run down of the band members.  And yes these were my crappy x10 phone pics

Ruby - Vocals

Theres nothing like a bit of glitz and a looker of the band.  I mean it's not like there gifts from god and a few you wouldn't kick out of bed.  But yes she's stunning, but more importantly, jesus mary mother and joseph she can belt out a tune.  Very much reminds me of a few Jazz singers mixed with Kate Bush, if Kate Bush was any good that is.

Bobby - Trumpet and Techno Bits

Amazing on the trumpet.  I mean truly gifted.  Yes he uses a Mac.  Who cares.  I'm not reviewing his techno habbits I just hope his equipment holds up during the recent outbreak (sorry I had to get my dig in).  The timing of this guy and his finger work (yes ladies I would be looking to date this guy) is exceptional.

Taz - Keyboard


the soul Taz puts into the pieces he plays is bloody evident.  His intro's just lul you into a nice serene place.  So so talented.

Chris - Bass


This guy is awesome,  I mean if he threw his cock round like he throws those deep driving bass lines the guy would be classed as a pornstar.  Seriously exceptional.

Tommy - Drums


If this guy beat you to death with his drum sticks it still would probably be the best drumming you will have ever heard.  Slick with the sticks.

Danny - Percussion

all those little mood sounds that most bands sample in, tiny little bits that to the untrained ear but somehow complete the sound, this guy is responsible for those, the timing and the addition, and only bhudda knows how well this guy can bongo,  makes me think he may have come from the congo ... or so the advert led me to believe.

**SORRY DANNY I COULDN'T GET A CLEAR SHOT,  PLEASE FORGIVE ME**

Dom - AKA Ruckspin - Engineer

To the trained eye you can count six members but in the DJ Booth hidden out of sight looking over proceedings was what can be described as the technological conductor.  He interpreted every thumb up down and facial expression the band made.  This brought things to a polished climax.  It wouldn't surprise me if he taught sign language to chimps in his spare time.

The performance was outstanding although we had to leave early as our last bus was at 1145 and they didn't come on till 1030 (although they did say 10 **shakes fist**).  I have seen alot of bands but never have I seen      
such a polished act before there first album has been released.  The festival season is approaching soon.  And I know these guys are playing quite a few.  If you see them on, go see them.  If you see them local, go see them.  Just go fucking see them.

I can envisage next time they are round Manchester way it aint gonna be some small club.  I can't express how good these guys are live and don't get me wrong the recordings I have listened to time and time again do not even scratch the surface of the live performances I have seen from these guys.  Get there album,  due in June.  Check the links for more info.  For me it's beer o'clock with a bit of Submo on whilst I play poker (FUCK...even i'm shortening it now.)

http://www.submotion.co.uk
http://www.facebook.com/submotionorchestra